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Bring Your Kid to Work Day

Today was apparently Bring Your Kid to Work Day.  While I anticipated this meaning my day would be marked by unfettered access to leftover donuts, pizza, and soft pretzels, my interaction with one precocious tyke in particular is still (painfully) reminding me of how much fun little kids are.Upon my arrival to work today, the youngsters were already filtering in.  They ran the full gamut, from tiny to big, well-behaved to spastic, outgoing to shy.  Luckily, I managed to jam my headphones into my ears as far as they would possibly go and allowed the Pixies to drown out the cacophony.  This plan was effective until about 1:00, when a morning full of donuts, snacks, Juicy Juice, and a pizza lunch conspired to send the majority of the little rugrats into a carb-fueled frenzy.  While I now hear children stampeding and screaming (and, as one of the kids announced, farting), a little Asian girl appears in my cube and innocently shows me a toy car that she has found.

As a respectable adult, I indulge her and admire the picture she had with her, which consisted of heart stickers, some animal stickers, and her printed name.  She spots some change on my desk and, using the car as a battering ram, knocks $2.07 of change to the floor.  So I feign horror, pleading with her to stop because that’s my dinner money and I won’t be able to eat.  She gathers it up, hands it back to me, and tells me I can put it back on the desk.  I do this, and immediately find the change back on the floor, courtesy of the little car.  She now crawls under my desk to get the change again and, while down there, loudly says, “I’m showing you my butt.”  As half the office began searching the Megan’s Law sites, I’m again handed my change back.  This little girl once again tells me I can put it on the desk.  This time, instead of even using the car, she just picks the change up and throws it.  So now I actually have to get out of my chair to get my coinage back.  As I do so, this little sweetheart begins to throw everything else on my desk into the trashcan.

I am now faced with pulling the following things out of a trashcan:  a pen, a notebook, my iPhone, my headphones, two smaller notebooks, four articles I’d printed out, a thing of hand sanitizer, and a water bottle.  Needless to say, each of these have to be taken out of the trash several times, as the “game” continues indefinitely.  Finally, I start putting things on an upper shelf of my cube, and soon there is nothing left on my desk but a computer and a phone.  My phone’s handset ends up in the trashcan minutes later.  Finally, her father came over, thanked me for entertaining her, and took her away.

I gather my change and make my daily Starbucks run.  Arriving back at my desk twenty minutes or an hour later, I’m standing and enjoying my afternoon coffee when the little instigator comes walking by.  She stops at my desk and is gazing at me.  So in my dopey, playful kid voice, I say, “Oh, looks like trouble’s back.”  She then proceeds to punch me square in the balls.

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Categories: Daily Life
  1. Bridget
    April 29, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    The only thing I hate worse than people who bring their kids to work is people who make posts about the minutiae of their kids’ lives on Facebook.

    I do not care that today is your child’s birthday /doctor’s appointment/soccer game/first day of school/first potty on the pot/etc.

    I could not care less that he won’t go to sleep/ eat vegetables/share toys/do homework/get a job/etc.

    I cannot think of anything more annoying than:

    Happy 7th Birthday [INSERT NAME] (4/29/04 – 5:21pm – 8 lbs. 15oz.)
    Thank you for making me a mommy and being such a great boy! Love you forever and always….

    Or

    Just got done giving [INSERT NAME] her bottle…..boy she loves to eat!!

    Or

    My Baby [INSERT NAME] is 1 mo today!!!

    Or

    We were due… For vomit flu… Poor [INSERT NAME]…

    That really grinds my gears.

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